What I Learned About Myself Doing This…
Its been quite some time! I’m back though and things have changed in a major way.
To start, I’ve had some time to really focus on my entire world and do things differently. One way was working on my mental health. Allowing myself to have a full reset by withdrawing and getting the help I needed to be whole.
Wholeness was not my goal but healing was which is what I wanted to share a little about today. Though I desired to be whole I couldn’t get there without healing. Healing I’ve learned can get messy and uncomfortable but its so beneficial. How? I thought you’d never ask!
The first way is through vulnerability. This is not always easy for many but with baby steps it gets easier with time. I had decided to seek out a therapist virtually and may I say it was VERY hard because I didn’t know if I were safe but let me tell you. My therapist did an amazing job of reassuring me that this virtual space was safe. After about 30 minutes, I was able to let my guard down and really open up and share what was on my heart without fear. It was then I discovered what vulnerability really was. It was trusting without a guarded heart that I can be healed although I’m still susceptible to being wounded again. I can’t avoid future hurt, disappointments or any other wound but I can let someone in to help me navigate my way to healing. I also learned being vulnerable did not make me weak, rather it made me human. It’s not a sign of weakness if you open with the right people. Not everyone should have access to the raw and uncut version of you. That’s to be protected for only the safe people in your life. For me the safe people in my life besides my therapist were my best friends and Jesus! My friends each offered support and were each a safe place. All of them prayed for me and even took the time to listen to me and made sure what I shared with them mattered. I’m most thankful for them each because these ladies taught me to share my heart and not worry if its meaningful or not.
I learned to pray a whole lot differently as I frequented therapy. It got uncomfortable but it was necessary for me now to not be so guarded and hanging on by one breath. I can do hard things now!
The second way I learned to heal was through journaling. I’m one who journals throughout the week not everyday but most of the week I journal. It’s an outlet for me in the sense I am able to write out the millions of thoughts in my brain onto paper without losing my train of thought 😂😂. I also am able to evaluate what patterns are present when I go back and read over what I wrote. I started recognizing patterns when I was advised by my therapist to read over what I wrote down. This gave me a visual of what I should focus on in my next session and in prayer. I even found myself organizing my thoughts to share them with my therapist but lets just say it often did not go as planned. I’m glad this occurred because things being structured is comfortable for me and I understand now I needed a bit of uncertainty to keep me moving from baby step to baby step towards healing. Again this is what worked for me but everyone is different so heal in a way unique to you.
The last way I learned to heal was through what I was telling myself secretly. What you tell yourself, you eventually become. I didn’t believe it until I had to capture negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. When I tell you I cross examined every thought, I did it! Why? I discovered what I was thinking was feeding the unhealed version of me and needed to be cut off. Ever been there? It takes intentionality and total honesty. No thought went unchecked and I made every effort to replace whichever felt or was truly negative. It’s not hard if you really want your stinking thinking to change. I did want my stinking thinking to change so I wrote out scriptures, youtube messages by TD Jakes, Sarah Jakes Roberts, Stephanie Ike, Lisa Harper, Cece Winans, Christine Caine and books that resonated with me and my healing. It was work but I don’t regret it at all. One book in particular was Woman Evolve by Sarah Jakes Roberts. This is the book I didn’t know I needed! The author was very careful to share a perspective on becoming the woman you were meant to be in each chapter and also left a ton of room for reflection on what you just read in your journal. Reading this book helped me to completely change how I spoke to myself secretly. Changing the way you think often times takes breaking up with your fears! Tell your fears, you’ve stayed long enough.
Healing is a journey of becoming! It doesn’t happen overnight, it’s a process and it takes time.
Healing again looks different for everyone and no two people heal the same. For me, being vulnerable, journaling, and cross examining my thoughts has helped with my healing. I don’t have it all figured out but I am far more whole than I was a year ago. My wholeness was found in Jesus and you may have another source of your wholeness which is ok! Just don’t stay where you are! You too can do hard things!
How do you heal? What activities have helped you along in your journey? Comment below!